I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
