I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Pooping to opera.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
