She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
