Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
