He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
