No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
