So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
