oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
