I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
