2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
