You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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