I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
