just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
