i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You made out with two different species that night
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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