Please, let me fuck your mom
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
