Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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