there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
