When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
