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they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
