I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
