just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
