i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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