i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
