I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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