We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Michael Bay diarrhea
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
