ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
