I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
