i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize