Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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