A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
