More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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