Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
