ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
