Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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