i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize