My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
