Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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