YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
