Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
