remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
