What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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