I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
soo... how was my night?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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