He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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