Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
