They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
