is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
