Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
