the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
