did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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