wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You may now shotgun with the bride
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
