Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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