wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
