come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
