I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
