in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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