Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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