you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
