Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
