You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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