8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
