my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
