I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
