Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
