a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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