well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
