At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize