No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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