true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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