Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize