So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My bed smells like the plague
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
