I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
