I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
