I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He passed out mid-signature
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
