Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wish I only lived at night.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
